depression- a personal story
lewis wolpert
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Lewis Wolpert is a Professor of Biology as Applied to Medicine
in the Department of Anatomy and Developmental Biology of University
College, London
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I was totally unprepared for my depression for I had never been seriously
depressed before.
I was a successful professor of biology and with a happy family life.
The way I normally dealt with mild depressions - just feeling low -
was to go jogging. My depression has its origins in the difficulties
I experienced controlling a minor heart problem.
I was due to go on an important trip to South Africa. I had fantasies
of falling seriously ill in a remote region. I was deteriorating both
physically and mentally and felt quite incapable of travel. I cancelled
my trip at the last moment although my doctors could think of no reason
for me not to go.
Then, quite suddenly, I was unable to sleep at all. Sleep has never
been a problem for me. Now it seemed impossible, so I began taking sleeping
pills which helped a bit, but I would wake up in the morning with a
burning sensation all over my body and sweating.
Treatment and Recovery
My psychiatrist put me on an antidepressant and was extremely reassuring,
telling me again and again that depression is self-limiting and that
I would recover. I did not believe a single word.
Depression leaves one with no hope, one is filled with negativity. It
was inconceivable to me that I would ever work again, and I cancelled
commitments months ahead. I felt particularly guilty towards my wife
and children who took me out each day. Thoughts of suicide rarely left
me and my thought processes were often confused.
I could think of nothing but my own terrible condition. My memory seemed
to be failing badly. On occasion I felt that time had stopped. I was
very frightened that I was going insane. I would willingly have had
electro-convulsive therapy which has helped others. There are no rewards
in being a person who has a depressive illness. We are completely negative
and self-involved.
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